How tiny breaths teach us big things


For weeks I’ve listened to Brahm’s Lullaby play sporadically but frequently over the loudspeaker system at St. Francis Medical Center. And this tune that generally inspires would immediately illicit a pit in my stomach. Why? That sentimental melody signifies that a baby has just been born in the hospital. It signifies something so very normal, yet miraculous. I imagine the grandparents I just passed waiting in the lobby rejoicing, a proud new father in the delivery room cutting the umbilical cord, doctors proclaiming “It’s a Girl!” or “It’s a Boy!”, and someone pressing SEND on a pre-scripted email announcing a joyous arrival. And yet, none of that happened for us. We had a miracle for sure, but it didn’t look or feel like the others around us.

So while I’ve been grieving the loss of ‘normal’ anything, our boy has grown and suddenly allowed us some normal new-parent experiences. He did so well this last week that he was moved to a ‘regular’ room on Thursday night and I was asked to room in and give this full-time caretaker thing a try. And with the move from the regular NICU to the Annex, a security bracelet was generated, triggering the beloved lullaby to be played–this time for my child! I was overwhelmed with emotion, not to mention excitement and anxiety that we were nearing taking our former-1-pounder home at last!

Long story short, I sit tonight listening to Brahm’s playing on Struthers’ mobile, while he watches giraffes and elephants parade above him…in his own crib! And the song that only days ago elicited inner turmoil is now a nostalgic reminder of how very far God has brought us!

We are thankful and blessed to be home now, and are looking forward to navigating some normal new parent woes. As always, thanks for the prayers! I will fill you in on the discharge/homecoming details, including what’s next, stats, how it’s going at home and my plans in a later entry.IMG_1769

1 Comment

  1. Cami Bremer

    Comments imported from CaringBridge (20 comments):

    Welcome home Struthers!!!
    —Carissa Gump, March 2, 2015

    How wonderful that you and Eli and Strut are finally able to be at home! Continuing to pray for good health for you and Strut!
    —Roya Seymore, March 2, 2015

    Continued prayers for you all and happy to hear Struthers will be going home soon!!! Great news!
    —Susie Short, March 2, 2015

    Sounds wonderful!
    —Marj Wise, March 1, 2015

    Congrats on your own lullaby for your precious baby boy. I am a friend of your mom’s and sisters. We met through our love of horses many years ago.
    —Rose Newman, March 1, 2015

    Welcome home, beautiful family! May the amazement in your miracle and the joy of love continue to grow.
    —Judith, March 1, 2015

    We are so happy for you all! Thank you for sharing about your grief. It’s totally valid. Many, many moms experience a similar grief when things don’t go as we always dreamed they would. Whether it was having to go to a hospital, having to get an epidural, ending up with a c-section, not being able to nurse, etc. The grief over a less-than-ideal birth is SO normal. This gives you plenty to relate to with other moms 🙂 All moms go through some form of grief, we just don’t talk about it enough because we’re “supposed” to feel grateful and happy. Fortunately, time heals. Keep moving forward. You have already made it so far. I am so amazed by you! You’re a great mom.
    —Evania Ku, March 1, 2015

    Home!!! I’m so happy! Sending lots of love, strength and blessings to all of you. I know you already have lots of that, but you can never have too much. Can’t wait to see you and to meet your beautiful Struthers.
    —Lisa Lindley, March 1, 2015

    Thank you Lord for your many blessings. I pray that you will continue to be with Cami, Eli and especially Struthers as they transition to this next phase of their lives as a Family at Home.
    —David Summerall, March 1, 2015

    Wonderful news. Praise the Lord. You and Eli will be awesome parents with lots of support from others. Enjoy your baby boy.
    —Joy Breeden, March 1, 2015

    Praise God!! I am SO very excited for you!
    —Deanna O’Neal, March 1, 2015

    There’s no place like home! Enjoy the wondrous miracle that is your son!
    —Leslie Schwender, March 1, 2015

    So excited for all of you. HOME what a great place to be!!
    —Susan and Larry Hill, March 1, 2015

    One thing checked off your list. Looking forward to te next milestone … Complete Bremer family at home!!!
    —Melissa Whipp, March 1, 2015

    I am so happy for you, Eli, and Struthers!
    —Judy Storie, March 1, 2015

    So very glad you are all HOME! Lord Jesus, surround this family with grace and peace in these new precious days of family life.
    —Sarah Brenner, March 1, 2015

    Thank you God! May He bless and always keep your family in His hands!
    —Theresa Myers, March 1, 2015

    Praise God!
    —Jean Satterfield, March 1, 2015

    Congratulations, I am so happy that Struthers is home . God is Good
    —Ann Alvis, March 1, 2015

    Cami. What wonderful news. As you transition from NICU to home remember now more than even before take care of you. Love you all
    —Deb Baltenberger, March 1, 2015

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